Ten Things You Should Know
1) On the last day, when I was a nervous wreck, I thought 'well, what's the very worst thing that can happen? There is nothing today that can go wrong'. That's what they call 'famous last words'. I still can't call it anything, but at least I can thunk about it now.
2) I keep finding new triggers. I didn't realise how much more nervous I'd become. Each one takes me further away from you, but each one is a reminder that, sometimes, distance is not just a good thing, but a necessity.
3) Break ups are freaking awful, mostly because most of the time I'm fine and doing well- but you're still at the back of my mind. It doesn't take much to bring you to the front. I'm okay, I'm well, but I'm smothered by the curse of remembering, too.
4) Despite what you think, I wasn't disappointed about not seeing you. I miss what we had and who we were. That feels like some forever ago now, and it's not the same as missing us now, or missing you.
5) I still believe in love. I just don't think I'll easily believe the next person to tell me they love me. I'm sorry if it hurts to know that. You kind of brought it on yourself though.
6) I'm marking out my territory again, renaming the constellations that were once ours. It's painful at times. Mostly it's a relief. The air smells like spring, fresh and hopeful.
7) I still don't believe you. I still think the least you owe me is a proper explanation. I'm not going to get hung up on it though.
8) The day I got my jacket back, I buried my face in it and it smelt like you. Then I put it back in the bag and refused to touch it. Three days later, I sprayed it with my spray, and hung it on my chair. I'm waiting for an excuse to wear it again.
9) No one quite gets it. Nearly, but not quite. That's okay. This is mine, and only mine, to get.
10) The best thing right now is reclaiming me. One day I'm going to change the world.