Closure

One of my favourite books is called Mockingbird. It's by Katherine Erskine, and it's beautiful. I would totally recommend reading it. The book is centred around a school shooting, and a girl with Asperger's syndrome who's life has been completely changed by the shooting. Mostly, it's about love, and loss- and closure. Closure's a big thing for me. I like to have a finality to things, like there to be an ending. Some people will say that closure's BS, but I disagree. To me it's important. The difficulty, of course, is that closure isn't automatic. We are humans, and life is messy. There will not be closure every time, and I really struggle with that. However, just because life hasn't given you closure, doesn't mean you can't search for it somehow. That's what I've been doing, today. The past week, my mind has been suddenly full with things in the past, things I cannot change and must move on for. It all happened for the right reasons, and I know that. But I've had no closure, and I'm finding it difficult to get my head off of all of it. So? So I've been looking for closure. I packaged up an envelope of memories, and got it out of my life. I sent a super-long email, finally explaining what happened and how I feel. I've found a song that means a lot to me, that can speak for me where words fail. Like a bird, ready to fly for the first time, I'm ready to spread my wings again. I'm ready to move on- I'll never forget the person I was, the part of my life I shared, the beautiful and wonderful messiness of it. I'll never forget how lucky I was, nor the lessons I've learned. But I can carry them and go on, too. I don't need them to burden me entirely. It's early days, but I think I'm finding the closure I was looking for.