However, I was proven wrong several times. I was thrilled with my results, and felt touched by the support shown to me about them. Later on, I was able to take a step back from things and realise that I really do want things to get better- but if I want that, I have to prove the world wrong, and show it what I'm made of. I'm determined to recover, hard as that seems at times.
I also used a website called Player 2, which was exactly what I needed, and I would definitely recommend it- it's a 'game' that enables you to look at a situation involving another person from a better point of view. For me it meant I realised that unless I want something happened recently to drag me down and define me, then I need to do what feels impossible, because otherwise I'm going to judge everything by this one event. I need to let people help me- before I've always said 'Oh, I can't, I can't trust people, it's not my fault, just something I can't do'- and sure, maybe it isn't my fault that I find it difficult, but it's not out of my control. I can trust people, because it's my choice to do that. Part of my mind might be telling me not to, but I can be strong and tell that part of my mind that I need to do this.
Anyway, I'm rambling. Go and check the website out. Even if you don't need it right now, you never know when you might.
I then went against what 'that part' of my mind was telling me (I might name the negative and positive parts of my mind, just to help me in recovery...) and went into town with my mum and sister. 'That part' was determined to not enjoy it, but I managed to overrule that and had a good time.I also got two books, which will be good for distractions. Win.
Finally, my day finished with a swimming training session. Yes, people who have followed my blog for a while, you read that right- people who are new, you can catch up here. I have a splint, and finally got a chance to see if it helped my ankle in any way. And guess what?! It kind of worked. I had a small amount of pain, but I found that by tightening the splint I was able to reduce that. The main issues now are just that the splint I have isn't overly practical for swimming- it fastens with velcro, which works, but occasionally comes apart, so I could do with finding one that has a more water-friendly fastening. It also has to be pulled very tight to reduce the pain, which is uncomfortable, but I should get used to that, and it could be improved with a different splint. Having the constriction also means that, in a way, I'm also going to have to relearn how to kick in a way that works best. That could be interesting. I'm looking at it as a challenge. Finally, there's the inevitable- after not training properly for over a year, and not at all for several months, it's going to take a while to build up stamina and be able to follow a set. Thankfully my coaches are amazing, and have said that for now I can just turn up and they'll squeeze me in somewhere to swim my own session, to slowly build up stamina until I can begin to ease back into proper sessions.
This is going to sound really cheesy, but as I was swimming- without pain for the first time in around 2 years- I had Melody's part from 'For A Moment' (Little Mermaid II) going around my head. Because why not.
So yeah. Some days surprise you, and make you realise that things are going to be okay.
This is more than my thoughts ever thought it could be, for a moment, just a moment, lucky me