The Perks Of Being A Wallflower- Stephen Chbosky. Another book dealing with sensitive themes... But very very good. Read it!!
I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist. I think you of all people would understand that because I think you of all people are alive and appreciate what that means. At least I hope you do because other people look to you for strength and friendship and it's that simple. At least that's what I've heard. So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.
We accept the love we think we deserve.
You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand.
Sam did look very pretty in her dress, but I was trying not to notice because I'm trying not to think of her that way.
And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.
I just listened to the music, and breathed in the day, and remembered things.
I am really trying not to think of her that way, which is becoming increasingly difficult. To tell you the truth, I love Sam. It's not a movie kind of love either. I just look at her sometimes, and I think she is the prettiest and nicest person in the whole world.
There is this one photograph of Sam that is just beautiful. It would be impossible to describe how beautiful it is, but I'll try. If you listen to the song 'Asleep' and you think about those pretty weather days that make you remember things, and you think about the prettiest eyes you've ever known, and you cry, and the person holds you back, then I think you will see the photograph.
We are all supposed to think of reasons to live.
I just thought to myself that in the palm of my hand, there was this one tape that had all of these memories and feelings and great joy and sadness. Right there in the palm of my hand. And I thought about how many people have loved those songs. And how many people got through a lot of bad times because of those songs. And how many people enjoyed good times with those songs. And how much those songs really mean.
I hope the people who wrote those songs are happy. I hope they feel it's enough. I really do because they've made me happy. And I'm only one person.
I decided then that when I met someone I thought was as beautiful as the song, I should give it to that person. And I didn't mean beautiful on the outside. I meant beautiful in all ways.
Write about me sometime.
I want to make sure that the first person you kiss loves you.
Sometimes, I look outside, and I think that a lot of other people have seen this snow before. Just like I think that a lot of other people have read those books before. And listened to those songs. I wonder how they feel tonight.
And I never wanted to.You have to believe me.
I wanted Sam to be jealous. I know it's wrong to want something like that, but I really did.
She really did look sad, and I wished I could have made her feel better, but sometimes, I guess you just can't.
Just tell me how to be different in a way that makes sense.
It's just hard to see a friend hurt this much. Especially when you can't do anything except 'be there'. I want to make him stop hurting, but I can't. So, I just follow him around whenever he wants to show me his world.
I would die for you. But I won't live for you.
Every person has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people.
It's strange the times people choose to be jealous.
She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time.
The inside jokes weren't jokes anymore. They had become stories.
So, I just watched her pack, and I tried to notice as many details as I possibly could. Her long hair and her thin wrists and her green eyes. I wanted to remember everything. Especially the sound of her voice.
Mostly, I thought that your being sad was much more important to me than Craig not being your boyfriend anymore. And if it meant that I would never get to think of you that way, as long as you were happy, it was okay. That's when I realised that I really loved you.
It's sweet and everything, but it's like you're not even there sometimes. It's great that you can listen and be a shoulder to someone, but what about when they need the arms or something like that? You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things.
So, tomorrow, I'm leaving. And I'm not going to let that happen again with anyone else. I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to be who I really am. And I'm going to figure out what that is. But right now I'm here with you. And I want to know where you are, what you need, and what you want to do.
I want to thank you for being one of those people who listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even though you could have. I really mean it and I'm sorry I've put you through this when you don't even know who I am, and we've never met in person, and I can't tell you who I am because I promised to keep all those little secrets.
I just don't want you to worry about me, or think that you've met me, or waste your time anymore. I'm so sorry that I wasted your time because you really do mean a lot to me and I hope you have a very nice life because I really think you deserve it. I really do. I hope you do, too. Okay, then. Goodbye.
So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.
I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have. Good and bad.
Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there.
Because it's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them.
We were just there together. And that was enough.
And I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite.
So, if this does end up being my last letter, please believe that things are good with me, and even when they're not, they will be soon enough. And I will believe the same about you.