Had a pretty chilled-out evening chatting to a couple of close friends and watching part of a film, then writing whilst listening to music. The thing I'm writing at the moment takes the form of a series of letters; so I thought I meant as well write a few more, before I go to bed.
Dear B,
I'm not jealous of you in the way that it would seem. I'm not jealous of the specifics; I'm jealous of the general idea. I can't see anyone ever talking about me that way; can't imagine someone ever finding me even mildly good-looking, or my personality attractive. That's what I'm jealous of. That you're so great, so deserving- and I am not.
Dear HJ,
When I say I can't trust people, I mean that I can't do that day-to-day trusting. I can tell people big things, but not the little ones. I can't trust someone to be there whenever I'm stressed and upset; I can't let myself think that. That's what I mean by trust.
Dear C,
Please don't get annoyed or bored or fed up and leave. At the moment you're the only person who's really helping me to feel that little bit less isolated; which is a lot of expectation to put on someone, and just another reason you might grow tired of me. I'm trying, I really am. Just I'm tired, too.
Dear IG,
We have the best late-night conversations! Sorry for type-shouting burlesque songs at you every night. It's just kind of funny :3