I've been both wanting to write this post, and putting it off. It's an incredibly hard thing to put into words, but I hope that this will give me closure.
For me, this was absolutely devastating. I've been a part of a swimming club since I was six, and I've swum competitively for around six years. It's been a huge part of my life, and I owe it so much. Thanks to swimming, I've met some of the most amazing people, and had some fantastic experiences- and all of those have had an impact on who I am today. Even the negative parts have taught me some valuable lessons, and I cannot imagine the last ten years without swimming. Being in the water, whether it's for racing, training or just for fun, is- well, a great place to be. It can be relaxing and calming, or exhilarating and exciting, or simply just a place to thrash out everything in a way you can't anywhere else. Having to come to terms with knowing that that's no longer a part of my life has felt both surreal and destroying- at times recently it's felt like living in a nightmare. I want to scream at the world for being unfair, and knowing I can't doesn't help! It's been a grieving process, and I guess all I can do now is wait for time to work it's magic.
And yet? I still feel lucky. I got to experience things that some people will never even know to dream about: from swimming in galas and open meets, to the training 'banter', to being able to feel like I'm flying through the water- and I've shared it all with the world's best team mates. Could I really have asked for more, aside from time? I've had, as John Green so eloquently phrased it, an 'infinity within numbered days'- and the memory of those times I felt infinite (switching authors to Stephen Chbosky) will always remain with me, those packages of feelings and memories and people.
Swimming, this is one of the hardest things I've had to accept- but thank you, to all the people I have met through this wonderful sport, to all the people who have trained and coached and supported me through the years; an especial thank you to my team mates, for being amazing, time and time again, even if our singing skills weren't so hot! Thank you, swimming, for everything. Here's to... time healing, and whatever the future may bring.