This post is, I'm afraid, going to be brutally honest, and could be potentially upsetting.
I'm going to broach a subject that I've been affected by personally, but which lots of people ignore or know very little about: self-harm. If you think this could upset you, please don't carry on. If not, keep going.
I self-harm. Understandably, it's something I prefer people not to know about- so you may be asking why I'm putting it online. Well, on here I keep myself anonymous, and though a couple of people I know read the blog- however sporadically- I only give out the address to people I'm comfortable with reading this stuff. Also, I want to be able to help people who might be in the same position, and inform people who know very little about the subject. Thus, it seemed like a good idea to put something on here.
Self-harming isn't something I'm proud of, and a lot of the time I wish I didn't. However, it's not something I can just stop doing.
The main reasons I do it are stress based; there's stuff in my family I'm not going to go into, but it's also based on my need for perfection, which, being human, I can't achieve. I also go through times of being very hyper, then being low for no reason. I've been reassured that at my age, and with the things I've been through, that the mood swings are normal, but they still put a large amount of strain on me.
So, for me, self-harm is a way of getting rid of excess feeling. It's also a way of putting myself in control of the situation. Because my moods can be quite confusing- I can be very happy and very sad at the same time- I also self-harm because when I do it, I know how I'm feeling. I'm hurting, which might not be the best feeling, but it's better than feeling a lot of things at onee.
A lot of people are very anti-self-harm. For example, a friend (who doesn't know about the self-harm) said this weekend that people who self-harm are 'selfish' and 'attention seekers'. I totally disagree. No-one who self-harms is doing it 'just because they want to'- it's because they've been driven to it, by whatever circumstances they're in. Calling them 'selfish' or 'attention seekers' is, as I found out, just going to make things worse. The best thing you can do for someone who self-harms is to be there for them; the people I've found who are most helpful are those who don't bring it up, but who say or do things to make sure that I know I can always speak to them.
Even in the few people who know about my own experiences, I've faced a certain amount of negative reaction- the majority of my friends have told me not to, then not mentioned it again, which makes me feel as if they're ashamed. I can't not do it, no matter how much I want to, in much the same way as someone who wants to give up smoking would find it difficult. The only things I can do are try to keep it to a minimum and constantly come up with solutions to try combatting it.
I found a website that might help to elaborate on my points, and help others who are in a similar position or who have different views on the subject- http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm
Lastly, for anyone who is suffering in silence, please please talk to someone. I know I've said I've faced some negative reactions- but the people who have helped me have made talking to them worth it. There's always always someone to speak to. Please do.