Hi.
Today was alright- as usual, it had good bits (inclusing a fairly hilarious quote; I need to do a quotes update sometime).'
Afternoon/evening was spent with someone I've known since nursery. To be honest, we have very little in common now, but it was okay.
I think I'm feeling better than I have been. It's hard to tell, I'm often confused as to how I'm feeling.
I guess, things are better, but I'm still quite low, which could just be a knock-on from the last week, alongside post-Gambia blues. I know that I should speak to someone (seeing as next to no-one knows that I've been feeling down at all) but I find it incredibly difficult to ask for help face-to-face. I kind of told myself I'd speak to someone today, but I've put it off. I'm just rubbish at talking, and explaining how I feel. Also, as mentioned before, I sent an email when I was very down last week, and I've had no reply- which, seeing as the email was to one of the people I generally go to when I need to talk, hasn't helped. Add to that concerns of being seen as attention-seeking etc., and you begin to get the picture.
Also slightly pissed off with the world in general (not really, just how I feel). To cut a long story short, I came out as bisexual well over a year ago. The majority of people who are bi tend to have a 'leaning'- mine's towards homosexuality, as opposed to heterosexuality, and I worked this out quite a while ago.
However, recently a couple of people have been- not exactly teasing in a bad way, but just making jokes about how I'm not really bi, I'm lesbian but just saying I'm bi to make it easier (or, as one person hinted, for more attention).
This wouldn't be such a problem, but recently I myself have been wondering whether my 'leaning' is less of a 'leaning' and more of the truth. So, having people tease me- even if it's not meant in a bad way- isn't exactly helpful right now. Surely I should be allowed to work these things out by myself, without people telling me I'm obviously wrong?!
Furthermore, a couple of other people decided to grill me over how I generally don't find males (in this case, male celebrities) to be attractive, when I'm so easily attracted to females. Apparently, I *can't* not find so-and-so hot. Well, wrong, because I clearly don't. Why the heck is that such a problem?! Last time I checked, there were no rules on having to find certain people attractive.
Sorry for the rant, I don't know why those things have annoyed me so much. Think I'm just in a touchy mood at the moment.
Anyway, good night. For those who care, I will try to speak to someone later this week x