Plans

Today I'm going prom dress shopping with one of my best friends (Rosalind), my cousin (Child) and her friend (Emma).
I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to it or not... It means being really social, which- as I said yesterday- I really don't feel like doing at the moment. Plus I'm not overly thrilled that my cousin's friend is coming, it means more responsibility for me and I was never really consulted about it. My cousin and her friend are both considerably younger, the only reason my cousin's coming is because she wanted to, but it means I'm technically 'in charge' (my mum and aunt will be in town too, but town's a big place).
Also nervous about looking for a dress in general- I really don't like the way I look, and I'm particularly self-conscious about my weight, so trying to find something I consider myself to look okay in threatens to be difficult. I just want to find a dress which might make me feel beautiful, if only for one night :/
Umm, in other news, last night was okay, not great but not bad. I got to see Rosalind for the first time since pre-Gambia, which was nice. However, it's just dealing with everything and everyone that I hate; normally I'm quite social, and I don't feel like I can be like that at the moment. Still, it was good to get out of the house and away from my thoughts, if only for a while.
I think the 'healthier' (?) part of my mind is convincing me that I need to speak to someone next week, and admit that I'm feeling really low (though, as ever, with very high interludes). I just still don't feel that anything can be done, and that I'll just be judged as attention-seeking: maybe I am.