Headspace!!

As you may have gathered from various blogging things, I have been really really busy recently. This is fab- I'm doing lots, and enjoying it all, and everything is pretty fabby. However, I blog a lot about the big stuff I do that makes me busy. This isn't a post about that. This is a post about the times I'm not busy.
Ask anyone who knows me, and they will tell you that I am very much a people person. I love meeting people, I love chatting- I just love people really! However, in order to be that people person, I very much need my own space too- time when I can recover from being busy and being surrounded by people- which are two things I am a lot of the time.
I call the time I have to myself 'headspace'- time and space that allows me to get my head together, and allows me to be me. Headspace can take various forms, depending on where I am and what's going on. If I have the time, I absolutely love long walks with the dog- yesterday evening I went to one of my favourite spots just at the right time to make the most of the beautiful views, which was really lovely and very calming.

However, with being busy and rushing around a lot, I've had to find ways of getting headspace in other ways too. For example, today I had an hour between NCS and Brook, so I sat by the Harbour with my notebook and headphones. The Harbour is one of my absolute favourite places, probably ever, and it's great when I need a break because I'm surrounded by people, and I get to people watch, but I don't have to interact.

This coping mechanism has been hugely important recently, as so much of my time has been spent with people, many of whom I don't know that well. I love all of that, of course, but it means I value my time alone more, even if it's a ten minute walk with my headphones in.
So there you go: headspace!

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A Level Results Day

My Facebook post from today-

If you got A level results today, then a huge huge well done. It doesn't matter how you did; the fact that you did them is enough. Remember, however, that you're not defined by the dot of ink on the thin piece of paper. You are an amazing person, with thousands of talents and strengths. You don't need qualifications to prove that- wherever you're aiming, there are multiple routes to get there. You're made of the same atoms as the stars, and they shine brightly without exams. You're fabulous, and I love you x

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#JustHuman

This post should've been written aaaages ago... Unfortunately, I've been really busy, so I've not had a chance to write it until now! (And I'm totally not meant to be packing now or anything...)
Anyway. I blogged a while ago about the work I've been doing with Brook, and that we'd been making an LGBTQ video. Well, we finished that video a couple of weeks ago, and it's now live on the internet, which is really really exciting.
The video we created started out as one thing, and ended, of course, as something utterly different. The finished thing is based around love and companionship- because, at the end of the day, that's something that brings us all together. Almost everyone is looking for love and companionship in some way or another, and everyone has different ideas of what they want in a relationship. Our question- do these things change depending on your sexuality? Well, the video's below. Take a look and see for yourself. Personally, I think the answer's pretty clear.

However, that's not the end of it- we think that our video has a really important message, and we'd like as many people to see it as possible. It might not change the world; but it might just reach one person who needs it, and that, as ever, would make it entirely worth it. Please, please- share this. Tell your friends. Talk about it. Spread the word, and get it out there. You never know who could see it because of you. Even better, get in on the discussion- tweet @RifeMag with the hashtag #JustHuman and let us know what YOU want in a relationship!!

If you're wondering WHY you should share- here's why. Because, at the end of the day, we are all just human. We are all living our lives, sharing happiness and struggles, breathing the same air and walking the same streets. If you were to cut us open and remove any of our organs, you would find no difference between each person. We all have the power- and the need- to love, and we are all doing that in our own way. So what if the person you love is male, is female, is neither, both, is something different? It's still love. It's still the same concept. We are just human, and we are just loving. I honestly hope with all my heart that one day we create a world that accepts that. Please. Help us out. Spread the love.

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Be Thankful

Today I saw a display about keeping a gratitude journal- basically, keeping a record of things that you're thankful for. It's an idea that's been quite popular on social media recently, and I think it's a good idea. The statistic on the display was that a gratitude journal can improve happiness by 25%; whether or not that's true, my counsellor at OTR did point out that there seemed to be a link between my mood improving and my own version of a gratitude journal. At the time, I thought what I was doing was too small to have a real significance on my mood. Now, however, I am more self-aware and I do think it was a big help.

As regular readers of this blog will know, I am all for promising to do blog series and never following up on them. Therefore, I'm not going to promise a regular series or anything- I'm just going to post things I'm grateful for every now and again, and I would be thrilled if people want to join in as comment theirs.

So, things I am thankful for from this week...

- Shadowing a really fab guy for work experience

- The group I worked with at the Watershed (more to come on this one!)

- What can be produced when we work together

- Instant best friends

- Hard work that makes you feel like you're actually doing something

- Cute pubs

- People who go out of their way to welcome you

- Those who refuse just to take, but give back as much as they can

- Having a voice

- The amazing increase in my confidence over the past year or so

- Cucumbers, melons and cauliflower

- Amazing quirky cafés

- Hot afternoons by the harbour

- Good conversation

- Thoughtfulness

- The amazing shows out on by the school drama group; always with a message and something to think about

- Lifts home from GS, and friends who are always there to catch me when I fall, never judging, just comforting

- Having enough food, enough of the necessities, enough money

- People who refuse to let their struggles affect their selves

- Amazing friends and good parties

- PCH, for *having* that good party, and also for being awesome all the time

- Enthusiastic young swimmers

- Being able to resolve disputes

- Versatility

- Grown up conversation

- Dancing with kids like a kid

- Jumping up and down and screaming lyrics, because why not

- Catch ups with old friends

- Change and growth

- Later starts on a Sunday morning

- The completion of my swim teaching course

- The amazing events Bristol has to offer

- Independence- being able to enjoy an event by myself

- People watching

- Central library

- Walks around Bristol

- Wombbuds

- Angelberry

- Compliments

- Conversations that really make me think

- This blog- two years on, and I am loving it even more

- My bed!

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A Bit Of Self-Care

Having had exams (and, therefore, lots of revision!) recently, I ended up kinda rocking the whole greasy hair, old jeans, big jumper, bags under eyes look- as seen below! However, I wanted to take some time out for myself, to relax and make myself feel a little more like a human being.

(Also I finally have a working mirror!)

I spent part of Thursday tidying my room, which had accumulated lots of mess due to me being busy. I also changed all my bedlinen, and made my bed all nice!

I went to town in the afternoon, which was nice- got some really lovely clothes! When we got back I finished making my bed, then ran a bath. I found a mix of bubble bath stuff, which made it smell really nice, plus bubbles are the bestest!

I also grabbed a mug of tea. I had a sudden craving for lapsang souchong; however, I couldn't find any. Instead I went for a lavender and cammomile blend- it's really good for relaxation, and it smells lovely too, so a winner all round!

 Whilst in town, I bought a hair mask thing (at great expense of £1!). Due to the various dyes I've used, my hair isn't in the best of conditions (though it's not awful, either), so recently I've been improvising with home-made deep conditioners. These have been helping, and most of the time my hair seems to be doing pretty well. However, I wanted to see what would happen if I used a 'proper' deep conditioner. I got one with argon oil, mainly 'cause I've heard of it before! My general 'hair routine' is to use shampoo twice (or my hair gets greasy super-quickly) then conditioner; the hair mask stuff entered the routine in-between the second shampoo and the conditioner. Recently I've been using a Herbal Essences shampoo/conditioner- 'Bee Strong'- which is intended for damaged hair. It's been making my hair really soft, so that's cool!

Of course, a relaxing bath wouldn't be the same without a face mask, too. I had one floating around that I got in my stocking at Christmas, a passionfruit one. As shown in the pictures below, it made my face really shiny and looked fairly weird/disgusting once I peeled it off...

 I also painted my nails. For me, this is important for two reasons. Firstly, having painted nails helps me to stop biting at them, meaning I can grow them. Secondly, because at the moment I actually have nails (not long, but still there!) and that makes me happy!!

 Finally in terms of relaxing- whilst I was getting ready for bed I lit a lavender incense stick and a daisy candle. My room smelt lush :) I also sprayed the area around my bed with a spray that's meant to help sleep. I'm not convinced it does, but it smells nice anyway, so oh well!!

 It was really nice to take some time out for myself, and I went to bed feeling very relaxed and a lot more like a human (compared to a sixth form revision-bot). For a final pic, have this one of my wild hair!

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Being Productive On Unproductive Days

For the past quite-a-few weeks, I've been using this productivity method, where I write out things to accomplish each week and highlight them when they're done, as well as finding successes/good things/goals/things to look forwards to for each week. It's been working really really well, and in a counselling session I went to earlier this week the counsellor felt it's probably not a coincidence that my mood's been a lot better roughly since I started doing that. However, there are some days when it doesn't work- for example, when I'm feeling low or unproductive or tired, and everything seems a bit impossible and too much effort. I thought about this, and came up with a fairly simple solution- breaking everything right right down. This means that I do small things, then get to tick them off, and that spurs me on to get more stuff done, and I end up getting things done and feeling accomplished, which improves my mood a lot!
To explain it a bit more- today I wanted to tidy my room, but really didn't feel like it, resulting in spending half an hour organising my incense sticks instead. So, I looked at my to-do list and broke it into really tiny things, such as 'take recycling out', 'sort out CDs/DVDs', 'put clothes away' and 'take stuff down to revision'. It meant that the tidying didn't feel like a mammoth, time-consuming, impossible task- I got it done easily, and felt accomplished every time I got to tick something off! It works!

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Productivity

After my half term freak out, I realised that the technique I used to 'harness my productivity' was too good not to use all the time, especially with coursework deadlines and exams looming closer than I like to think. The original involved just writing headings for each day, and putting what I needed to do beneath them; my current version is a bit more complicated. It involves colour coding. It's fab.

This Week

Basically, the day/date goes in black pen; 'things that are happening' (such as swim teaching) go in blue; deadlines or homework etc. are in red, and things I need to do each day are in green! Then, when things are done, they get highlighted.
But wait! It doesn't stop there! After each week, I've decided that I'm going to 'evaluate' my week with three good things and three accomplishments, then three goals and three things to look forward to within the coming week. They can be big or small, but there has to be three!
So far, it is great- I can see exactly what I need to do each day, I feel a lot less stressed and I'm not constantly trying to get things done all at once because I've already predesignated them times- before I'd constantly feel like I needed to be doing something. I keep it all in a notebook so it's transportable, and I can easily get it out at school to add homework and all that jazz. Yay!

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Half Term (Scares The S**t Out Of Me)

Having had an inset day today, it would appear that my half term has officially begun! And how did I spend the first day? Erm, at school, doing composition* with the rest of the AS/A2 Music girls (*- composition refers to doing around 8 bars of work, chatting a lot, rapping and dancing around the room to Disney music). We are fabulous, are we not? ;)

Anyway. That's just an aside. What I really want to write about is how much half term terrifies me. This probably sounds like a really weird statement. It probably is a really weird statement. But I can explain, I promise! Half term is difficult because...

- STRUCTURE: I'm the sort of person who needs structure, of some sort, and half term is hardly the most structured time. Not only does it involve change from my normal routine (hard enough in the first place), each day is different and there tends to be zero structure to my days. I am the person who can't sit in a different place at lunch time; this sort of structure change completely plays with my mind.
- GETTING OUT: When I have school, I have to get out of the house and I have to interact with people on some degree. I also have to concentrate on whatever's going on, be it a lunchtime chat or lessons. When I'm feeling low, all of those things are amazingly difficult- but at least I'm doing them, and, even when I spend the whole day feeling miserable, I still think that those three things stop me from feeling even worse. When there's no school, I could spend all day stressing over things without a 'reason' to get out/interact/concentrate. In short, school might be hard when my mental health is icky, but I'm definitely not better off without that challenge.
- ACCOMPLISHING THINGS: This kind of links to the previous two. For me to go to bed feeling like my day has been worth something, I need to get things done. I need to do lists, and checklists, and I need to be able to scratch things off of these and be able to think 'yup, done'. If I don't have that, I get super stressed out; however, when I'm feeling low or there's no structure to my day, it's very likely that I won't get things done, and I end up in a vicious cycle where my mood is too low to do anything and it just gets worse. When I have school, I can at least say that I've got out and done lessons and things like that; when I don't have school, it becomes a lot easier to end up in the aforementioned cycle.
- PEOPLE: As you may just have guessed from the rest of this blog, I am a huge people person (even though, due to anxiety, people also terrify me... this is one for another day). Anyway. I like being around a range of people: I like having weird and wonderful conversations, I like waving to people, I like chatting and I just like interacting with people. In school, I get all of that pretty much all the time. At home, there's me, my mum and my dad. Though I do text/FB people, I need regular face to face contact in an environment that isn't 'closed' (by that I mean just the same people around- like a town center is 'open' because there's all sorts of people around, but the sixth form block at school is 'closed' because there's only really sixth formers).
- SUPPORT: The majority of my 'support system' are based at school (teachers etc.)- when I'm ill during term time, be it a minor panic that lasts an hour, or something that's spread over several weeks, I know exactly where to go for support. Obviously, this isn't there in half term, which makes me nervous, and then because I'm nervous I'm more likely to need support- another vicious cycle!

So yeah... Half term and I don't go so well together. However, on the flip side- and yay because there is a flip side- I have come up with ways of dealing with each of these, which makes things easier! I'm going to stick them here, just in case there's anyone reading this with similar things who needs some ideas for decreasing half term worries :)

- STRUCTURE: this is one my tutor helped me with earlier today, simply by helping me to make a plan of my holidays. This can't be too rigidly structured (rigid structure also doesn't work for me, as if anything changes I go into panic mode), but I've now got AM and PM activities for each day, so I know in advance what will be happening during the week.
- GETTING OUT: this has been factored into my plan on most days, and where it hasn't I'm going to make sure I get out of the house at some point, even if it's just to take the dog for a walk, because at least then a day in the house gets broken up a little
- ACCOMPLISHING THINGS: this links back to my plan; each day I have something planned in that I need to get done (eg, homework etc.) so I can do that and then know that I've crossed the relevant thing for that day off of my half term to do list!
- PEOPLE: another link to the plan (this plan is mighty good!)- I've got three days where I'm seeing friends and two where I'm swim teaching. All five of those will involve relatively 'open' environments, so that's even better! On the days I'm not seeing people, I'm going to make sure I text/message etc. so I'm in contact with people, even if it's not face to face, 'cause that's better than nothing.
- SUPPORT: this one involves making sure I know who outside of school I can contact, and how I'd contact them etc., and mainly relates to family/friends. I'm really really bad at being open about how I feel with the people around me, but I know that I can go to them, if I can get myself to do it (I do believe this is one of my 50 things). Also, in a worse case scenario, I also have numbers/websites etc. that I can use.

I am now exhausted and about to fall alseep... But there you go! Reasons half term is scary and ways to reduce anxiety surrounding it :)

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